just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
