update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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