I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
