I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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