I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
