We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
