You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
