had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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