Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
