On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
