That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
