hotel room ftw
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
