Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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