By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
handjob tips. give me some.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
