do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
