guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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