sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
