dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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