She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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