Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
