Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
