Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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