Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
