I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
