When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
