how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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