is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
