Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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