We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
