Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
