I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is Oprah even human
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
