You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
