That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
