im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
