for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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