I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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