it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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