You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
love makes seman taste better
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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