Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
