I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
