we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
