i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
