Me. At least after what I've been through.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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