I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
