We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If that was your dad, he is hot
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
