As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
