i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
