I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
