you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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