I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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