Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
