Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
