What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
