Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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