The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
