I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
