This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
