New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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