She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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