I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Princesses don't give blow jobs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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